Thursday, April 30, 2009

Laugh at the possiblity of regular exercise

I have been starting a regular exercise regimen for the past 20 years. I usually begin AGAIN after making a large purchase of the latest and greatest piece of exercise equipment designed to make me look like a perfect size 6 in 4 easy payments. By the fourth payment, the piece of equipment is dusty in my way.

I also begin a regular exercise routine each time I purchase a new DVD with a fit and trim instructor on the cover. This purchase usually happens late at night when infomercials are the only things on the television. They need to create a video that holds you accountable. I now have a collection of useless videos in various parts of the house.

A coworker got me interested in running. I began a program with a combination of running and walking, designed to help you increase gradually. Each evening I would run around a few blocks, come home unable to breath, seeing spots in front of my eyes, and feeling like I would loose my dinner. It is hard to make torture a part of your regular routine.

The questions I ponder today; Is there a perfect exercise routine out there? Do those ladies on the DVD's have perfect bodies, or is the cellulite just airbrushed? If so, can't I just borrow the airbrush?

I will continue my quest to find the perfect exercise, while watching my muscles shrink and my cellulite grow. If by chance I find it, I will be sure to share the news with everyone (including those poor movie stars who find their cellulite posted on the cover of People magazine).

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Laugh when you don't know how to say "no"

Help, my plate is full and I can't pick it up! I am a recovering yes person. I have years of treatment ahead of me before I will recover. While I love everything I am doing, I fail to recognize the limited number of hours in the day or days in a week. Consequently, I find myself and my family leaving early in the morning with enough changes of clothes, homework, and sacks of food to last until the 10 o'clock news time.

This week has been no exception. How it happens is a mystery. I just seem to wake up one day with an overflowing calendar of events, and off we go.

Someday soon I will practice saying "no." I'll start in front of the mirror. I'll work on my tone of voice and my eye contact. After building confidence at the mirror, I will eventually face the person for whom the word "no" is to be said. With fear and trembling, I will utter that word. One of two things will happen as a result. I will either be blacklisted from all events and friendly gatherings, or the person will find an equally capable individual willing to do the task at hand.

I'm quite certain I need more practice in front of the mirror.